So bae wants to pursue their dreams of becoming a painter, or a chef, or a professional mixtape-maker (I’ve heard they’re called “rappers”). That’s great, except for one thing – bae quit their job.
In one move, you went from planning a trip to Cabo to wondering how you’re going to pay bills.
What on earth should you do?
Don’t freak out.
You might want to scream. How could they quit their job? How could they throw their entire financial future into a tailspin? If you two have joint finances, you probably want to throttle them.
Take a deep breath.
It will be okay.
The road forward might look shaky, but if your partner is so passionate about their dreams that they’re willing to make a big leap, then trust that everything will work out even if you can’t see it.
Believe in your partner.
When you’re done freaking out even though I just told you not to, then show your partner your full support.
Actions speak louder than words. It’s not enough to say, “Okay, babe, sure, I believe in you. Go get ’em, tiger.”
It’s not even enough to attend your partner’s events. Or share their art projects on Facebook.
Truly believing in them goes much further.
For example, if your partner is an actor, don’t just buy tickets to their Off-Off-Off-Off Broadway show. Help them create a Backstage page. Keep an eye out for any auditions. Listen to their monologue for the eighth, ninth, tenth time. Sometimes you can’t just be the cheerleader. You have to be the coach.
Seriously, keep believing.
It’s easy to believe in your partner in the first few weeks or months as you see them working hard, and before your finances take a huge hit.
But what about six months into their plan, when it seems like they’re no better off than when they started? What about after they get rejected from every competition, grant or festival that they apply to, and you’re not even sure they’re that good? What about when they sink into depression and refuse to leave the couch?
Believe in them.
It’s always darkest before dawn. Jay-Z got rejected from every single record label. Oprah Winfrey gave birth at age 14 and lost her child. Daveed Diggs (Hamilton, Black-ish) was homeless and slept on the Subway. Heck, Vincent Van Gogh only sold a single painting during his entire life.
If they can bounce back from that, your partner can bounce back from a few months of frustration.
Be realistic.
A caveat – don’t support your partner blindly.
People do stupid things.
Make sure bae isn’t doing a stupid thing.
If they leave a well-paying job in order to become a musician even though they’ve never played an instrument, written a lyric or sung a word ever before, then raise your concerns.
If they quit their job in order to play in the WNBA even though they’re 4’11” and can barely hold a basketball, then you might want to call their boss.
Don’t be afraid to point out the flaws of your partner’s plan and work with them to create a new one.
Make a game plan.
To figure out whether your partner is doing a stupid thing, sit down with them to make a specific plan. What are the steps they’ll need to take to reach their goal? What is their timeline? What will they do each day to get there? If your income can’t support both of you, how will they make money while pursuing their dream?
For inspiration, listen to Don’t Keep Your Day Job. The host quit her day job in order to follow her passions, and it actually worked out. Maybe your partner can follow in her footsteps.
Don’t break the bank.
Unless your partner has a secret trust fund that they never told you about, then your financial situation will change drastically when they quit their job. Savings only last so long. And living is expensive.
Clip coupons. Buy in bulk to reduce cost. Join savings programs. Subscribe to Groupon. Stop ordering $75 takeout from Chinese Palace. Stop paying for an Uber when a bus ticket costs $2. Cancel your own Netflix if you still know your ex’s password (Shh!). Instead of going to Coachella to see Beyoncé, play Lemonade and use your imagination.
This isn’t fun. It’s not supposed to be. But it’s how you and your partner can survive the drought.
Look on the bright side: This is all temporary. Maybe your partner will go back to work and pursue their dreams later. Or maybe, just maybe, their dreams will come true, and they’ll finally be happy. You’ll look back on these struggles and laugh. Won’t that make it worth it?