Petty, Party Of One – your table is ready! Stop being a crab-in-a-barrel!
Rolling your eyes. Mumbling under your breath. Gossiping. Passive-aggressive comments. Giving the side-eye. These are all by-products of a having a “crabs-in-a-barrel” mentality.
If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice that this is something that has run rampant in the LGBTQ community, especially among lesbians.
“Crabs-in-a-barrel” has been defined by the urban dictionary as “a syndrome where a group of like situated people hurt those in their community attempting to get ahead. Often this is applied to people in an impoverished community where one person is starting to get ahead. The collective community becomes jealous or filled with a sense of self-loathing, so they find a way to pull that person back down to the community’s level.”
The LGBTQ community has been MARGINALIZED, overlooked and certainly, we have been treated poorly at times. And, maybe for those reasons, we internalized our feelings and instead of PROCESSING them in a healthy way, we started PROJECTING our insecurities onto our fellow LGBTQ brothers and sisters.
Why are so many people in the LGBTQ community in direct competition with each other?
When did we start believing that if one of us is doing well we are now obligated to “hate” on that person or, become so jealous we start talking ish about HOW that person is “less qualified” or “less “deserving” of their success?
When did we allow our fear and insecurities to take over allowing us to believe that there isn’t MORE THAN ENOUGH for everyone to have a piece of the pie?
I’ve seen it subtly on social media and blatantly in ‘REAL LIFE’ and it’s sad. It creates an unnecessary divide.
Have you stopped to really take in what’s going on in the world lately? There is currently a HUGE divide for a host of other reasons. So, consider that because we are a part of such a close-knit community, we should NOT add to the agenda of tearing people apart. It’s no longer ok to put down another person in the LGBTQ community simply to come across as “better than” for whatever reason. It gives those outside of our community more ammunition. If it is evident that WE don’t give a damn about respecting, uplifting and supporting one of our own, what makes you think anyone else will?
It’s time to get real about WHY this crabs-in-a-barrel mentality is even still a THING? Just when I think we have grown past it, I’ll notice the SHADE and subliminal shots being thrown baiting others to cosign a hot mess.
I’m sick of PETTY being a buzz word.
It’s not cute. It’s divisive. And, it’s rude.
It’s time we realize the role we are playing in our own demise. Do you realize how POWERFUL the LGBTQ dollar is in today’s economy? We are viable consumers that businesses actually sit around and strategize on how to reach, how to sell to us. That’s REAL life. We DO matter. Screw what we used to think. Let’s get it together. It must start within our community. We MUST learn to clap for our LGBTQ folks…. I mean not just clap, but offer a STANDING ovation whenever possible.
Be happy for those stepping into their purpose and creating dope products and providing dope services. If you are ALSO providing a dope service and have dope products, KNOW that what is for you IS for you and you aren’t risking anything by cheering for your LGBTQ brother or sister going just as hard to make their own dreams come true.
Next time you’re tempted to “hate” or be a Petty Betty…. STOP and re-evaluate your WHY.
Check your ego and please choose to feed your soul.
Start with giving some props and saying, “Great job so-and-so. I see YOU on your grind!” versus giving the side-eye and seeing them as competition. You’ll find over time you don’t even like being petty because it requires TOO MUCH ENERGY and all that energy could be redirected into minding your own business while creating your own success.
It’s time to do better. Because, I do believe we KNOW better.
Bless Up,
Coach Kerri