In this week’s episode of Overqualified & Drunk, Chanel and Chloe contemplate the role the podcast plays in their dating lives as well as discuss how to balance between positive and negative coping mechanisms.
In the Overflow, Chloe adds a little more to the conversation.
Sorry, not sorry:
Unapologetically Chloe, that’s who I am. That’s who I work hard to be, that’s who I deserve to be. As you can see/hear by now, I have a heart, one that has been through it all and back around again. A heart that, once it takes a beating, it continues to beat to the drum of love.
With that being said, you get my full stories, as raw and as real as they happen. I’d like to think my stories create a sense of community, for those of us who can’t quite get it right. Those of us, who pick themselves up off the floor after being dropped by a net that was never designed to be a safety. I try to show that even if love let you down, try once more, build yourself back up, buttercup. And hell if you get a laugh out of it, that’s just a cherry on top.
However, recently, I was tapped and asked to completely deny you all and myself that authenticity. I was asked to tear down years of the tough skin that a certain situation caused me to build, by being asked to do the one thing I said I would never do, based on that same story. I was asked to edit, rethink and even remove one of the most therapeutic episodes I’ve ever recorded. Asked to remove the blemish that was me, from the rose colored reality that is being constructed elsewhere. I was asked to go back to the girl, who never saw it coming, never believed it would happen, never was able to sleep the same way again.
Immediately, having this person feel comfortable enough to reach back into the past where “they” left me, in order to help continue to build the image of “their” future, took me back to the girl that once was. Who was I, you ask? The same me, I’ve always been, I suppose, the me, that probably attracted this person and any person since then. I was simply, EVERYTHING, to EVERYONE, and especially this one.
What does that mean? When I care about you, value you, respect you or dare I say it, love you ( longest exhale ever) I become what you need, when you need it and how you need it. Need a listening ear? Need a cheerleader? Need a doormat? Need the greatest love of all? Just call me “Whitney”. Need a friend, family or foe, I’ll literally play the fool for you. And when I tell you, I did that, I did that 1,000x. I loved on command, l gave what I didn’t know I had, I bent until I broke. I did that all while being “sorry.” Sorry that it wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough, I couldn’t change or grow or dim my light enough. That I couldn’t have met you at a time and place that worked with your world. I allowed love to lose me and when I was alone one day drinking out of a bottle of liquor with a straw saying, “I don’t know what to do today.” When I woke up from that day turned night, I decided: Never will I ever allow anyone or especially that person have any control over my life. Any control over my story, any control over my voice. So sorry, not sorry.
That issue aside. I have to just openly tell any woman who crosses my path, you will most definitely become an episode, you will most definitely be discussed, you will become part of my comedy routine, you will be my mirror to reflect myself, you will most definitely become my muse. However, but with that being said, you will never be villainized, you will never be lied on or used to create an episode. As funny and entertaining as these anecdotes become for our listeners and I tell them with such humor, this is my life, my emotional journey looking for “happily ever after.” Ladies, you write the story and I just find a creative way to tell it. So, sorry, I’m not sorry for being Overqualified and Drunk and I’m definitely not sorry for dating and the therapeutic discussion that is our podcast. Cheers.