Are you bored with bae? Are you fighting all the time? Does thinking about sex put you to sleep?
Don’t break up just yet – every couple gets stuck in a rut. Whether you’ve hit an emotional slump, a physical slump, or both, you and your partner can escape the rut and make your relationship more passionate than ever. Trust me.
Take these six steps to regain your crazy-sexy-cool love. For each step, we’ll look at some things you can do emotionally and physically to bring the love back to your love nest.
Ready? Stop glaring at your partner and let’s get started.
Step One: Admit that there’s a rut.
You know there’s a rut. But does your partner know that you know there’s a rut? Do you two pretend like nothing’s changed even though it obviously has?
Pour two large glasses of wine, sit your partner down and lay all your cards on the table: You two are stuck, and you have to do something about it.
Each of you should answer these questions:
Emotional:
- Do you feel like your partner emotionally supports you?
- What could your partner do to support you better?
- How have your feelings changed about the relationship?
Physical:
- Do you feel like your needs are being met? Why or why not?
- What could your partner do to meet your sexual needs more?
- What do you think needs to change about your sex life?
Step Two: Have an adventure.
Now that you’ve gotten that difficult talk out of the way, it’s time to have some fun. You and your partner are probably bored because you’ve done the same things over and over – so let’s switch it up.
A new experience will give you something exciting to bond over, and will remind you why you fell for your partner in the first place.
Emotional:
- Train for a 5k or half-marathon together.
- Book a cheap train ticket to somewhere in the country and spend a weekend in a new city.
- Attend a play, musical or opera.
- Create a couple’s bucket list of all the crazy things you would eventually like to do.
Physical:
- Test your endurance by seeing how long you can have sex.
- Think of the craziest sexual fantasy in the world – and do it.
- Create a fantasy jar where you and your partner write down anything that comes to mind, and do one of them every time you have sex.
- Have sex in a strange new location.
Step Three: Do what your partner digs.
When you’re stuck in a rut, you’re probably thinking about why your needs aren’t being met. Maybe the best way to meet your needs is to meet your partner’s. And don’t just meet their needs, exceed them by getting involved with the things that interest them.
Emotional:
- What is your partner’s favorite hobby? Ask them to teach you.
- Where has your partner always wanted to travel? Plan a couple’s trip.
- What is your partner’s favorite book? Read it. (No SparkNotes allowed.)
Physical:
- Ask your partner about their secret fantasies, and make them come true.
- Does your partner have a favorite type of porn? Watch it together.
- Roleplay and let your partner take the lead.
Step Four: Size matters. The smaller the better.
“The little things are infinitely the most important,” said Arthur Conan Doyle, who wrote Sherlock Holmes.
Fixing your relationship is all about the little things. Listening more. Being more attentive. Stopping bad habits.
One of the easiest things you can do is remind your partner that you care by showing small displays of affection.
Emotional:
- When your partner gets home from class or work, ask, “How was your day?” and listen.
- Surprise your partner by bringing them food or making dinner.
- Write your partner a letter, compose a Shakespearean sonnet or leave them a handmade gift.
Physical:
- Don’t forget non-erotic touch. Touch their knee. Kiss their cheek. Hold their hand. Rub their back.
- Surprise your partner by writing erotic short stories.
- Does your partner like PDA? Give them lots.
Step Five: Never stop asking, “Will you go out with me?”
For some reason, when couples are dating for a long time, they forget about the “dating” part of dating. Instead of going to movies, they watch Netflix and fall asleep. Instead of concerts, they put on a Spotify playlist while they clean. No wonder the spark is gone.
Once a week (at least) have an actual date with your partner.
Emotional:
- Visit the spot where you first met.
- Cook a romantic three-course meal together.
- Sit under the stars and talk for hours.
Physical:
- Purchase new underwear and entrance your partner.
- Make a sex playlist together.
- Try out a new sex move or fantasy every week.
Let’s review. Falling into a rut isn’t the ending of the world. All you need to do is talk to your partner, try new things and remember the importance of the little things. Then watch your spark turn into a flame.