Have you ever wondered why some of the most unrealistic shows are considered “reality television”? One of my greatest disappointments regarding Black women – in general – and Black women within the LGBTQIA Community – in particular – is how willing we have been to allow the reality television version of us to become the stereotype or vice versa. We have allowed executive producers to have space where they present so many Black women who are not representative of the majority of us, despite representing who many in the non-Black community have decided that we are. While I understand that the purpose of many of these shows is to provide entertainment and our weekly dose of drama, I feel obligated to wonder what affect “reality shows” have on our reality? What messages are sent about who we are and how we love? And by supporting such shows, are we somehow cosigning the way in which they generalize and stereotype us?
This post stems from multiple different trains of thought, so allow me to explain. For the past few weeks, I have been indulging in a new television show called Sisters in Law. On a recent episode, viewers learned that one of the Black women attorneys is in a long-term relationship with another woman. I am talking about none other than Jolanda Jones, a self-proclaimed “Warrior Lawyer” and Human Rights Activist. While I have been basking in the awesomeness that is Jolanda Jones (and her partner, Cherrise), I have been unable to avoid the ongoing Twitter controversy among Love & Hip Hop fans who recently learned that Mimi Faust is in a relationship with a woman. While I understand that Love & Hip Hop has been around much longer and that Mimi Faust’s love life has frequently been the topic of gossip magazines and the reason for new shower curtain rods, I do have to wonder why Mimi’s relationship is receiving way more attention from members of the Black female LGBTQIA Community than Jolanda’s.
I recognize that neither of their relationships are really significant to any of our well-beings, but I do wonder what this demonstrates about the sincerity with which we observe one another’s (and our own) relationships within the LGBTQIA Community. On Sisters in Law, Jolanda speaks rather passionately and eloquently about how her best friend became her life partner. Conversely, Mimi’s relationship has allegedly been some well-kept secret that, since revealed, has caused all sorts of controversy among her fans. Do not get me wrong, I do not doubt that there are plenty of women who love women who may relate to Mimi in some capacity. I just wonder why they typically get more notoriety than those who are more like Jolanda. You know, those who defy so many of the stereotypes that we have grown accustomed to hearing regarding members of the LGBTQIA Community. Is Mimi the stereotype? I am not exactly sure. Is the framing of her story similar to what I have seen all too frequently within the LGBTQIA Community? Yes.
So what about the rest of us? Those of us who are more Jolanda than Mimi? Those who are building in a different way and within a different part of the Community? How do we somehow get lost in the shuffle of it all? Is it because we do not bring the drama of possible changes in sexuality or is it because we are not, in fact, the stereotype that so many would prefer to assign to us? And why is it that the LGBTQIA Community typically supports a show like Love and Hip Hop over a show like Sisters in Law? Does that indicate that we are affirming that how we are portrayed on the show we prefer is more indicative of who we are? I mean, I guess that makes the assumption that to be committed to watching something means that you somehow approve of the way in which the people who look, act, or love like you are portrayed on the show, but that is a whole other conversation…
I still wonder why it is that – of the many things that I am assuming one could find upsetting about Love and Hip Hop – everyone is focused on “how long” Mimi has had feelings for other women or how genuine such a relationship is? Or, even further, what label she identifies with? Have the members of the LGBTQIA Community that are asking these questions about Mimi forgotten what it was like to have your lifestyle labeled a phase and your partner labeled an experiment?
I am convinced that both the Mimi’s and the Jolanda’s of the LGBTQIA Community should have a seat at the table, that one is no more of an accurate depiction than any other, but I am also convinced that we have to support them equally in order for society to recognize that Jolanda is not an anomaly and Mimi is neither the exception nor the rule. As someone who tends to err on the Jolanda side of the community, I am relieved to have someone like her representing Black women who love women on television. Though I cannot relate to Mimi, I do not doubt that her lifestyle parallels that of many others within the community.
I do caution the community about celebrating the drama of Mimi while dismissing the “stability” that is Jolanda. I hope we learn to recognize that they are not “characters” to be chosen between, but a clearer indication of the diversity that exists and is necessary within our community. I appreciate that space has been made for each of these women on television. I appreciate that a more consistent platform is being given to people who, whether they like it or not, play a role in representing us all. Though I am more of a Jolanda fan, I have to respect my peers that are a bit more Mimi-like, rather than discredit their experience or disregard their journey. I just want us – Black women who love women, specifically – to push past this mistaken conclusion that we must be more like one than the other to have space in the community.
Looking towards the future, I must admit that I am excited to see other representations of our community on television in hopes that, one day, people will recognize that our individuality and complexities go far beyond the stereotypes and that the reality that is who we are and how we love is more layered and complex than what reality television can sometimes make it seem.
