Recently a 2013 post on the Everyday Feminism Magazine website was brought to my attention. While reading “Butch Please: Butch with a Side of Misogyny”, I had to take a minute to consider my own experiences with Masculine of Center Women of Color who are part of the LGBTQI Community. Oddly enough, I was also reminded of a recent opportunity to hear Melissa Harris-Perry speak at a local university. In her keynote address, which was entitled “We Will Need Courage,” Harris-Perry spoke at length about the attacks on bodies that have been labeled problems. She discussed how Black women, in particular, sometimes overlook the privileges that we may have in certain situations. Specifically, she discussed how we are oftentimes so aware of our lack of privilege in many environments that we ignore or overlook those who are trying to show us the privileges we may have (i.e., being able-bodied, cis) that others may not.
Now, I am sure that you are wondering what “Butch Please” and Melissa Harris-Perry’s words about privilege could possibly have in common, but for me there is a very close parallel between the two. Setting aside the heteronormative gender roles that often plague Queer relationships, especially amongst Women of Color, lets consider how misogyny has granted Masculine of Center Women of Color a certain privilege that their more feminine counterparts may not have.
First, a disclaimer: Do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that this privilege constantly exists or exists for everyone, nor am I saying that being a Masculine of Center Woman of Color does not present its own separate issues. What I am saying is that it is important to point out that masculinity is a privilege of sorts as it pertains to misogyny and that this privilege is one that is oftentimes misused and overlooked by women, especially Queer Women of Color, as something that they could even possess.
So, when thinking about misogyny, I must (if only for a moment) consider it separate from patriarchy. Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines misogyny as a hatred of women. Of course this definition will cause many to argue that it is not possible for a Masculine of Center Woman of Color to hate women, but it is completely possible and the number of examples of such hatred is growing at a disproportionate rate.
“Butch Please” touches primarily on the language used by Masculine of Center (or Butch) women regarding other more feminine women, their bodies, and sexual encounters. Though “Butch Please” was written in 2013, there are still very similar issues plaguing the communities of Queer Women of Color presently. One glance at social media or visit to a local LGBTQ Club will likely confirm just that. Many Masculine of Center women seem to speak about feminine women as something separate and apart from them, as a whole other gender of being. They adopt the language often used by men to degrade and insult women who are unaccepting of their advances or who have wronged them in some manner. Much of this language is hateful and derogatory. It is language that furthers the notion that the speaker of such words holds a deep-seated dislike of or hatred for women.
Perhaps where Masculine of Center Women are concerned, this is a disdain for the privileges that they feel that more feminine presenting women have. Perhaps it is their more feminine counterpart’s ability to “pass” in mainstream society without awkward glances or slurs being hurled their way. I will not pretend that feminine presenting women do not have a certain level of privilege as it pertains to their ability to “pass” as heterosexual, but I think Masculine of Center Women overlook the privilege that they possess to avoid many of the unrequested and unwarranted advances of men primarily because of their appearance.
I also think that many Masculine of Center Women do not recognize that they continue to adopt the more negative masculine traits that make many women (including themselves) uncomfortable. For example, the way that many Masculine of Center women speak to and about other women, as well as their sometimes overly aggressive physical advances towards more feminine women, prove to be just as problematic as that of men. Should you consider yourself a woman who loves women, then why would you treat them in a manner that makes them feel unsafe, unloved, or disrespected?
Furthermore, the fact that it has become commonplace for other Masculine of Center women to “set rules” about how other Masculine of Center women should behave, often encouraging them to speak or act disrespectfully towards other women is also indicative of the misogyny that exists among lesbians. Whether Masculine of Center women feel that it is their “right” to mistreat other women or not, I think that what is being lost here is the fact that masculinity allows for such behavior and, in many ways, encourages it. There are very few feminine presenting women who “get away with” behaving in a manner similar to that of Masculine of Center women without being condemned or referred to by a whole other list of degrading names. Is that not similar to the practices of most men who are misogynists? Do the issues raised in “Butch Please” not sound almost identical to the issues many women raise about how they are treated by men?
I recognize that there is an argument that the emasculation of Men of Color, by White men in particular, is closely tied to slavery, the establishment of American Indian reservations, the Jim Crow Era, and other such racially motivated crimes against humanity and that said emasculation led Men of Color to mistreat, abuse, and oftentimes hate their female counterparts. I also recognize that the mistreatment of Masculine of Center Women of Color by Men of Color may have triggered many of the behaviors their female partners and counterparts often experience. Perhaps the labeling of masculine female bodies as problems has played a substantial role in creating and furthering misogyny in the Queer/Lesbian Communities.
But one must also wonder if another way in which misogyny has been furthered and encouraged in the LGBTQI Community is the manners by which we communicate that such behavior is acceptable. Take for example the more feminine women who make fun of “Soft Studs” or “No Labels,” often making the argument that those women are not “hard” enough or “aggressive” enough or even masculine enough for them.
Also consider the other Masculine of Center women who encourage one another to behave similarly and to speak similarly as it pertains to women. Encouraging your “Stud Bro” to call her girlfriend her “bitch” looks and sounds a whole lot like misogyny to me.
At what point do we realize that abusing one another does not lessen the emotions within us stemming from our own abuses? At what point do we recognize our own double standards and contradictions? When do we make it a point to be mindful of how we speak to and about those who so closely identify with us? When will women who love women stop confusing that love with ownership or entitlement? When will we make the decision to exercise our own courage and speak honestly about the harm that misogyny is causing amongst Women of Color who are part of the LGBTQI Community?
