It’s funny. I’ve actually never thought I was easily influenced by TV shows, commercials, print ads, and music videos until I realized I was addicted to “trady” type guys. Trade in the gay community is seen as a man who messes around with other men, but no one would ever know by looking or talking to him. The term is most often used by predominantly gay men of color to identify masculine gay men.
How did the media contribute to this addiction? It stemmed from what I saw on television shows and music videos. Hypermasculinity was running high. Hip-Hop videos and the like consistently showed the sex appeal of the masculine bad boy from the hood. Plus, watching music videos when I was in college like Destiny’s Child “Soldier” or my teenage years watching Salt-N-Pepa’s “Shoop” or “What A Man” videos didn’t help. It really messed up my psyche behind what a man is supposed to look, dress, and act like. Although I knew deep down inside that these types of men should not be the focus when dating or looking for a relationship, I found myself still yearning for this type of guy that acted this way.
Our Advice: We have to reshape our thinking and understand that everything seen in movies and videos aren’t always best, especially when they are based on how “masculine” someone is–as if being effeminate is wrong. It’s more important to focus on someone’s key attributes such as their goals, ambition level, trustworthiness and compatibility. Look, we all know the trade is sexy and alluring, but if that’s all they offer you’ll forever be in a cycle of wasted time and broken hearts.
