In the past few weeks, the voices of rape and the culture surrounding it have been amplified more than ever. R. Kelly, Bill Cosby and Tyga have been confronted with their alleged crimes and the media and the public’s fascination with this has been met with a mixed bag of results.
Notorious Chester the Molester, R. Kelly, found himself in the hot seat at Huffington Post being put through a ring of fire for simply not answering the questions that needed to be asked. Watching this, I saw a man that I’m used to seeing. A man of power who because of this pedestal that he is placed on is removed from public criticism. A man, a victim himself, who had turned into a reckless perpetrator without restraint. Audiences threw dirt at Huffington Post, stating that the publication was looking for ratings, uninformed that in the decade that the site has been up and running, R. Kelly not being there would not stop the lights from turning on every morning.
Just like with the “Even Lil’ Aaliyah’s Got That Vibe” singer, Bill Cosby has been defended vehemently. Everyone and their cousin has found ways to put together excuses for his actions. The evidence that even in 2016, we are still not holding men accountable for their sexual deviances. The public, act as victims themselves, blaming everyone except the monster underneath our bed. We ask ourselves why we are afraid or what is it to be afraid of. Cosby is our father, our leader, an influence and a pillar to the community. He is above and beyond the possibility of being a rapist.
Instead, we build walls of denials to protect those that we feel are valuable assets. It doesn’t have to be a celebrity either. It can be our fathers, our brothers, our lovers. They make terrible decisions and we numb ourselves from it. The biggest violence towards ourselves is silence. The ability to not speak on what we feel or call the monster out. Not saying that somebody like Tyga deserves to be mobbed and lynched. But he does deserve to be held responsible and to acknowledge his wrongdoing so he can get the help he needs.
This issue rings true for the Black LGBT community especially. So many of our youth are just like the youth that are at the center of the crimes of these monuments of men. We are called #fasttailed, we are held at a level of maturity that goes past the norm of what’s required of a 15-year old. There can be enough sufficient evidence (an actual video) to document the crimes of someone like R. Kelly and we still can remain silent. His songs, such as “Seems Like You’re Ready,” are poignant when looking deeper into them. It’s a disturbing account of someone who does not necessarily have the ability to give consent but coming from the perspective of Kelly “seems ready and able.”
As a young man in the suburbs, I was used to being silent also. I spent years understanding my sexuality through the lens of men too old for me. The oldest – in his 50’s. Most of this time spent with these men was when I was under the age of 18. For the most part, I was honest about my age – when I was asked. Most times I wasn’t. I was a teenager. Incapable of understanding that the decisions I was making would go on to affect me as an adult. The person I was at 16 is not the same person I am at nearly 23 and in a relationship where my past has had a heavy influence on how I interact with my boyfriend who has an age difference of 25 years from the last person I seriously dated. My silence out of fear and the actions of men mature and more powerful have handicapped my ability to love.
The victims of statutory rape and rape itself are not #fasttailed. We do not seek out men of a certain age. Many of us are abused or placed in situations with these men. Our acceptance is only out of fear. Fear can be debilitating. It can force you to spend thirty years of your life hiding behind closets and blinds, looking out of windows hoping that the shadow that haunted you doesn’t appear. It takes the courage of those who also struggled, the same courage that Beverly Johnson, Janice Dickinson and Tamara Green exhibited when they decided to tell their stories.
Nobody ever gets success from a rape victim. There is no conspiracy to bring down these men of power on accusations of rape. R. Kelly has been successful in crossing over and remaining a dominant figure in the music industry despite the crimes he’s committed. He recently performed an entire medley on the Soul Train Awards on the Centric channel. A channel dedicated to Black women. We find other accuses, arguing that White people are getting away with crimes with substantial evidence while Bill Cosby is being taken into cuffs for just the words of a majority White women. This is an understanding of how little people know and comprehend about how rape works. Many victims do not decide to take the initiative to proclaim their rape because of a lack of evidence. Some of Cosby victims also came forward when they were attacked and were struck down.
It is not our job to make a decision for how someone chooses to acknowledge their assault and if it is a valid case because they are a different skin color, because of their gender, because when you met they were drunk or had their ass out. We need to recognize that men are in control of their penises and their brains. If we’re going to give men such as Cosby a large amount of power we should recognize the great responsibility that comes with and when that responsibility is not taken, they deserve to judged for it.
We can not cry for justice from a government and the police and ignore the injustice of the government when it punishes someone that we enjoy. These men are not concerned with you. Tyga has been rapping to white teenagers and partying with Kardashians and sleeping with white women. Your fight for him against the idea of a white girl who just looked too “inappropriately older” for you will not stop his knack for being as awful of a sexual predator as he is a rapper. R. Kelly has made constant overt anthems dedicated to his sexual nature and when he is called into question for it, you have no right to declare it over the top. This man calls himself Pied Piper. I think he’s taken the crown for “Over The Top.” And Bill Cosby isn’t your damn daddy. He doesn’t even like your Black ass. Pull your pants up, ashy.
This story is not just a take down. It’s a call to action. It’s an acknowledgment that there is power in being aware of the realities that can happen to us. It’s doing something so that the next 16-year old Black gay male trying to come into his sexuality will not be a victim like I was. We should not have to tell our personal painful experiences to make things valid. We should not have to be dressed a certain way to be respected. We should not have to be responsible because the man who opens our eyes to our sexuality decides he can no longer be an adult. We have to communicate so that those, abusers and victims, can speak.
The tea has been served.
