While revisiting the movie The Help yesterday, I noticed a part of the movie that I had never paid attention to before. I was watching the movie to better understand the “White Savior Complex” that continues to emerge in Holly wood when I realized that there was a brief conversation early-on in the movie about curing homosexuality or “unnatural urges” with the use of tea. Of course I chuckled at first, but after getting completely sidetracked with why – on earth – someone would think that homosexuality was something that needed to be cured, let alone why they thought that it could be cured with a tea, I recalled the young man who rose to social media “fame” upon declaring that he had been delivered from homosexuality. Of course, as many know, this young man has continued to post videos and even threatened lawsuits all in hopes of sharing with the world that God can apparently cure homosexuality.
Now, in order to believe that a cure is needed for homosexuality, you must first believe that it is a disease. I would go off on a tirade about how our society is too quick to label what we do not like or do not want to understand as a disease or an illness, but that is not all that significant right now. What is significant is that we are creating a very prominent space for people who send the message that homosexuality is something that needs to be cured, that needs to be destroyed, that to be a member of the LBGTQI Community means that you are diseased, that you are a problem.
This is troubling to me in a number of ways. First, should we be looking to religious leaders to “cure” us of something that God created within us? Whether you believe that homosexuality exists at birth or not, the fact remains that a vast majority of the members of the LGBTQI Community did not choose this life. Had we had a choice, I highly doubt that any of us would want to be outcasts or considered diseased, let alone constantly in a space of having to fight the various stereotypes that are constantly used to “explain away” our community as opposed to helping others to understand that we love who we love because we love them… and no sermon or cup of tea is going to change that.
Secondly, my mind always wanders to the message that is communicated to the “closeted” LGBTQI people in the audience of such events where people so openly cosign foolishness. I am not saying that young man does not believe that he was delivered. That is far from my place or my business. What I am saying is that it bothers me that he feels that homosexuality is the illness, the demon that he has to be delivered from. While he takes issue with the LGBTQI Community for ridiculing his deliverance, he forgets to take issue with how his “testimony” encourages others to believe that if they just pray harder, they (or their family members) will be delivered from homosexuality.
Thirdly, and more specifically for Women of Color, how much sense does it make that we are still assumed to be a lesbian or have something “wrong” with us if our mind is not permanently fixated on weddings (to men, of course), children, and white picket fences? Black women, especially, are already ridiculed for being “too strong,” yet now we are also having the message sent that if we are too _____________, we must be a lesbian. Though I think the logic behind that train of thought is tragically misguided, I think what is more alarming is the number of women who hide their sexuality or hide their ambition so as not to appear to be a lesbian. The number of Women of Color who have to be fighting some truly heinous psychological warfare with themselves concerns me. The number of women who now believe that they need to be delivered from something such as sexual orientation and who adamantly believe they have yet to be “cured” because their relationship with God or their prayers are not strong enough is probably more than I can imagine.
I often think about these women, these women who sit back and watch as other lesbian/bisexual women in their churches are mistreated, whispered about, or ignored. These women who force themselves to maintain secrecy in all things because, to reveal who they are at their optimum level of personal truth would cost them dearly. In a previous post I discussed how modern-day Christians play a role in this. After all, they have all but forced us into the ranks of the lepers and the “unclean” of the Bible, especially in Black churches. But when I really consider how so many people in the Black Community find it necessary to fight against the “diagnosis” of being LGBTQI, I have to wonder why some of us – in the Community – even treat it like it is a disease as well. Are we equally as guilty of acting like our sexual orientation is something that we need to be cured of or something that is contagious?
I mean, how many Women of Color in the Black Lesbian Community openly talk about “turning” women? Are we not championing the exact opposite of what the Community should be about? If she can be “turned,” then does that imply that sexual orientation is a choice? Or that it is something that you can catch? Are we negating the very same respect that we request when we make such comments? Is the young man promoting his deliverance the “real problem” or are we contributing to the ongoing disrespect of our community through our own actions and words?
Granted, I am quite sure that The Help was not meant to lead me down this rabbit hole of questions about homosexuality, but I am here nonetheless. I cringe at the very mention of cures and deliverance from homosexuality for reasons that go far beyond The Help or that viral travesty. Now there are even more vocal campaigns by Black churches to “cure” young women of being lesbians/bisexuals. Facebook, in particular, seems to be the breeding ground for the belief that – with just a little prayer and Holy Oil – you, too, can be straight. While I am sure most roll their eyes at these pages, I cannot help but wonder about the young LGBTQI women who are “buying in” to this belief, the ones who truly and earnestly believe that they need a cure, which necessitates the thought that they are somehow diseased. Or the ones who are not LGBTQI, but do not know how to combat the rumors that their behavior or long-term aspirations must mean that they are lesbians.
This leads me back to my original thought though: Why is everyone trying to cure homosexuality? No part of The Bible asks man or Christians to cure anyone of anything, but we have somehow been presented with all of these “water-to-wine miracles” that encourage us to see our innate feelings as the problem and everyone else as our potential cure-all.
Are those who are so adamant about curing homosexuality further convinced of their entitlement to make such assertions by videos like the COGIC Convention? Are our own behaviors – aside from the gender of our partners – part of the issue with why we are being “marketed” as diseased? Our we just as guilty for living our lives in a stereotypical fashion? Can we demand that we be understand while refusing to explain? Should we even have to explain?
I am still coming to grips with the role the LGBTQI Community – specifically the Black Lesbian Community – plays in how we are viewed by the heterosexual society. Though I am not a “traitor” to my sisters in the community, I cannot say that everything I see makes me all that proud to scream and shout about being a Black Lesbian. To be clear, I am not suggesting conformity or respectability. What I am saying is that, some parts of the argument on “curing homosexuality” have put the ball in our court. In some ways our own behavior – not who we love, but how we love them – is what creates the space for others to believe that we need to be delivered. I never expect everyone to understand the individual struggles that accompany being a lesbian. I do think, though, that having serious conversations about the willingness of society to classify us as a diseased group is one that has to be had on a continuous basis. In doing so we might open the door for such conversations to be had surrounding other topics like mental and emotional health.
